Philosophy

You’re so 2000 and late!

These are troubled times.  Americans seem to have a lot of built-up resentment and I wouldn’t be surprised if we end up in a second civil war very soon.  I used to worry about a coup leading to a regime change, with my concentrated concern of losing women’s rights.  But since that’s already happened and been forgotten, there’s really nowhere else to go from here.

I have lost a lot of family and friends in the past ten years, most of them due to the massive orange stain in the Oval Office.  But also because I refuse to indulge willful ignorance.. we all know the right thing to do.

I will take my share of the responsibility though.  I’m a rebel at heart, with a strong attraction to troublemakers.  But at some point, we all have to commit to a philosophy and I won’t hesitate to abandon someone attempting to explain why their flavor of hate is okay because: God.  Hate is hate, no matter how much you shroud it in religion.

A lot of this I blame on the Internet, which is completely out of character for me.  I made a thirty year career developing websites and brands on the Internet.  I met my husband on the Internet in 1999, and anytime I hear the squeaks and squonks of vintage dial-up, I look at him with eyelashes aflutter and announce, “They’re playing our song!”.

But as much as I have enjoyed getting to know complete strangers in binary code while in my jammies, it really had nowhere to go but to shit.  No one needs to know every thought rolling around in everyone’s brain, that’s how cults are born.  One guy thinks he has an idea, another says “YEAH!” and off they go through the wall, Kool-aid in hand.

I started my trip around the World Wide Web in bulletin board chatrooms in 1993 and was a full blown Internet troll by 1997, punting people off AOL just because I could.  My swan song was in the Beatles chat room, where everyone was posting lyrics to their favorite Beatles song when someone posted a line from “Octopuses Garden”.

“I hate that song!”, I typed as I loaded my punter software to launch rapid fire instant messages until their machine froze and avatar dropped off my screen.  That user would spend the next thirty minutes trying to reconnect by dialup to get back online, and I would spend the rest of my life giggling at the memory.

“I’m sorry Dave, I’m afraid I can’t help you.”

I eventually burned out, because boredom fades and you realize the blips on your screen representing people, just really aren’t that interesting.  I diverted my attention to real life, developing websites until 2007, as MySpace was in its death rattle – then once more found my crowd in random forums.

It’s a real jolt of dopamine and oxytocin to find your bee-people.. those more intelligent blips who keep you interested in what they will type after you type this thing or that.  It becomes a family, often more important than your actual relatives.. also known as a cult.

It took about a year for me to get enough, but I did and like all endings, the screen goes black.  Before it did though, factions were formed and players rewarded, with importance based on a few cleverly worded stupid things they should never have said.

Eventually too much is said by everyone.. fade to black


I also blame a lot of this on the boredom of Boomers in retirement.  They spent the bulk of their life creating their identity at work, and in the dawn of the Internet, they had little time or patience for dialup.. or their kids who were becoming web proficient.

Now they have nothing to do all day, and assume everyone wants to know what they think.  We don’t.

For fuck’s sake, sit on your hands and stop arguing solely for the sake of arguing before you get us all killed.  Take up a hobby or try to get your story straight on all those secret affairs and babies you had.  All the bodies will be exposed soon by Ancestry.com anyway.

And why on earth do you suddenly care about the philosophy of your kids and grandkids?  You never did before.  I was a latchkey kid in the 1970’s.. no one knew what I was up to all day.. or my brothers after me.  Face it, you’re doing well to remember your grandkids’ birthdays.

I chose my philosophy ten years ago and put my activism out into the real world, until Roe v. Wade was overturned in 2022.  My granddaughters snugly stripped of their reproductive rights, I realized my best efforts weren’t working and I was killing myself in the process.  If unlike me, you still have rights, you better fight for them because I am taking a much-deserved break from all people and their bullshit.

I know this lunacy will run its course, just like all of the more bizarre tragedies in History (Reformation, Witch Trials, Cold War).  And when it does, I will be proud of where I stood and people will understand why I did.

Can you say the same?  Are you going to be one of those fools who died waving a flag with differing shapes and colors, destroying everything you ever made for some rich blip?

Do you honestly believe that typing from your recliner in your jammies is going to do anything?  This frothy post, surely won’t!  I know many of you, and you’ve never said anything that made a real difference to anyone before.. get over yourself!  You just aren’t that important.

You are losing the thing that as a species you were designed to protect.

Now, I understand there are lots of people who added to the population, who should have planned ahead and learned what to do with a child when it got here.. and just didn’t.  For whatever reason you have excused yourself with, it was all a bust.  Just something to ignore while you worked, or fucked your boss, or bitched incessantly to your sisters about your kids you hate.

Snakes immediately slither away from the babies they squirt out, to live their best reptilian existence free from concern of their progeny.  At least they don’t return decades later to try and pound in their failed advice, insisting it be followed.

But we’ll carry on – or whoever/whatever is left after this shit show is over will.  Long before religious cults started running everything, Presocratic Greeks dealt with the tragic nature of existence with an understanding that suffering was an imminent ingredient of life.  That we live, suffer, then die.. but it’s still worth it.  Although, they didn’t have to live with you assholes.

Family

Goodbye Frankie

Before July 17th, our Frankie became sick with an upper respiratory infection (possibly pneumonia) and we took her to our local animal hospital. The vet gave her an antibiotic but wanted to try a stronger one the next morning.  We left her in hospital care overnight as we increasingly became aware it was all way more critical than initially thought.

Frankie didn’t make it through the night. I am devastated and will never recover.

Frankie wandered into my life, like all soul kitties: homeless, starving and originating from God knows where. I have had a lot of cats in my life, but she was special.. different.. perfect.  She was perpetually on high alert with Diablo ears, dime-sized pupils and loaded for bear.. to take you down if you didn’t come proper. She spent the first month or so of our time together ending most petting seshes by chomping my hand, then running off to the end of our bed. She wasn’t feral, but she was easily over-stimulated and the energy had to go somewhere – it might as well be my hand.

She was cobbled together from every cat in the neighborhood, I think. She was a Tortie.. possibly a Torbie.. with one full orange tabby back leg, and another piece of one, with parts of the same spliced into her face. One of her cheeks was plush in stripes of black, gray and orange.  She loved for me to scritch her cheek, while assuring that she was certainly part tiger, and could take Daddy out like a lame gazelle, if the notion struck her.

She didn’t like the idea of anyone petting her orange tabby leg though.  It was the fluffiest of temptations for me and we discussed it often, but I never did get the go ahead to pet the “chicken leg” – at least not without a smackdown.

In opposition to her apex predator household status, she was a tiny, sickly thing when she came into our lives.  She had an upper respiratory infection, even then.. and really should have been a goner before she even made it to us.  It was freezing in January 2021, when this wet, little abandoned kitten climbed over or under our fence to sneak into our backyard.  There, she was met by a barking German Shepherd that hemmed her in, under our boat. 

Kenny saved her from Ziggy and brought her to me – then she and I fell instantly and deeply in love.  She was so tiny, that she walked her skinny little ass easily between the bars of the child gate I put up to keep her out of trouble. But she turned it around, spending the next three and a half years chonking out, eating her weight in diet cat food and string cheese.  Even a time-release cat food dispenser didn’t help, she’d just eat up Celie’s portion too.

She was a music lover and never missed a front row seat when Kenny would sing and play his guitar.  She loved it when I would rewrite and sing songs customized for her:  Frankie Shark doot doot dah doot doot; Won’t you take me to: Frankie TOWWWN; and you could summon her from anywhere with:  Frankazoids, Robots: please report to the dance floor!

When my Frankie first arrived, I was as low as I have ever been in my life, what with the world in Covid.  On top of that, extra special circumstances and great loads of stress were piled on us, and kept coming.  Frankie healed me, time and again.. she knew when I was sad or fighting anxiety, and would lie on my neck or chest and purr till things got normal again.  And if she thought I needed a bath, well by God, a bath I got.  PfFt!

In time, I became severely allergic to her but she still slept with us at night.  To her.. to us.. we were her parents.  She wasn’t a pet, she was our baby.  Although, she seemed to think we were really terrible at being cats.  

I found some allergy relief by keeping a coverlet on our bed to protect the linens, and changing it out daily, for a fresh one.  Cough and sneeze all you like, but getting rid of my Frankie was never an option.  We were in this for the long run.

I wish I had known how sick she was, I had no warning that she wouldn’t be coming back home. Even when we dropped her off at the vet, she was loudly complaining from her bag in meows about having to endure a car ride, which she hated.

Tortitude.  It’s real and my girl had a good healthy dose of it.  I loved every bit of it.  She was my favorite.. my familiar.

Frankie, you little shit.. I am destroyed with your death. I love and miss you and have been crying for two days! There are at least ten humans I would have traded your fate with. Kenny says it’s more like a hundred. In truth it might be every other person I pass. Excuse my inappropriate humor, it’s a coping mechanism.. I don’t know what else to say and Frankie isn’t here to heal me this time.

But frankly.. if I can’t see my Frankie somewhere again on the other side, I don’t want to go.  And I sure don’t want to spend it with most of the people I meet.

Enough for now.

I have information to report on the house painting, but you’ll have to excuse me if it all has to wait a bit. All my attention is solely on my Frankie right now.  Which is where it should have been for the past two months.